This is for you. The one who dreams of sleepless nights. The one who dreams of filling that spare closet with tiny clothes. The one who dreams of scrubbing spit up and blow out stains. The one who dreams of that new baby smell. The one who dreams of soothing teething pains or tummy troubles. The one who dreams of finally seeing those two pink test lines appear.
The good and the bad, you dream of it all.
I, too, have longed for all of the things you are dreaming of. I have felt the sting when another friend is quickly pregnant, seemingly with the snap of their fingers. Keep smiling, keep giving congratulatory hugs, keep happily attending baby showers, keep bringing meals to brand new parents, but most importantly, keep dreaming. God willing, it will be your turn soon. You would not want to look back and regret allowing your sadness to overshadow the genuine happiness you really do feel for your friends.
For a long time, we prayed for our daughter. I could never see clearly why it was taking so long for us despite doing everything right and leading healthy lives while it seemed too easy for others. I promise you that once your baby is finally in your arms, your frustrations and impatience and doubts will vanish. It becomes so simple to see. You were just waiting for the precise genetic mashup of the baby meant to be yours. I truly believe if I had been pregnant any sooner, Eloise exactly as she is would not be here with us. That single thought blows my mind and makes every heart ache along our journey worthwhile.
And lately, it makes every time I am asked, "When are you going to try for another one?" easier to bear.
We dream of the bond of siblings. We dream of pulling out the infant swing from storage. We dream of laying eyes on that first black and white image of a fuzzy little bean. We dream of skimming familiar lists on the hunt for another perfect name. We dream of big sister kisses on a growing belly. We dream of becoming a family of four.
My husband and I dream with patient hearts these days, because this time we know waiting for the baby that is meant to be ours will be worth it.
Happy Mother's Day to all you moms out there whose dreams have become the realities of beautiful motherhood! And Happy Mother's Day to the dreamers, too. It may seem like you are alone out there in a sea of pregnancy announcements from everyone except you, but that is so far from the truth. By putting my own dreams out there on this special day, I hope you will know that we are all quietly dreaming big dreams of tiny fingers and toes together.
And I am rooting for you!
Let's vow on this holiday to continue to support one another until the day we each can shout our joyous news for all the world to hear. And when those pregnancy discomforts or tired mom moments come, let's turn our complaints into gratitude and send all of our hopes and prayers along to those who are still out there dreaming.
|Elation over two pink lines and the beginnings of a bump in 2014|
We stopped "trying" for a baby after I was hired into a great job as a research nurse specialist in breast cancer clinical trials at Vanderbilt. Month after month of optimism with no success had left us tired, stressed out, and discouraged. We planned to refocus on our careers and other happiness and let life play out as it was meant to be. I got pregnant the very next month. Eloise was meant to be.