The Highlights
Eloise's preschool hosted all of the dads/grandpas/uncles/male role models at their annual spaghetti dinner on Thursday night. She wanted her hair blown dry fancy, picked out a pink skirt to wear specifically because it was "good for twirling", and carried her beloved kitty purse to match. I have poured over these pictures of the two of them right before they headed out endlessly the last few days. How did my baby girl become such a beautiful, big girl? And gosh I am so relieved that this spaghetti dinner was planned for now instead of a month from now. That might have torn me apart. I cannot get enough of their bond, and it was great to see them share a special night together. As for Harvey? I decided the thing that would make him happiest would be an extra long bath with extra bubbles, tub and toys all to himself. Let's just say I know my boy well.
Eloise and Harvey started one-on-one survival swimming lessons in December. It is my goal to have them each pass starfish level by the time summer arrives, which means if they ever fell into water they could solo float long enough for help to arrive. It would take such a weight off my nervous mom shoulders to know they are water safe. We saw huge progress in both kids this week! Eloise is probably a lesson or two away from earning her starfish badge. She is rolling to her back into float position and floating independently when tossed into the pool. Now she just need to extend her float time. Harvey understandably has further to go, but this week there were no tears during his submersion flip. Basically his fabulous teacher Miss Brittany flips him into the water to disorient and submerge him. The goal is that he will stay calm and right himself to get his head above water. And he does now! These lessons have been so incredible to watch, and I look forward to them each week. The trust the teachers build with their students in order to push them to overcome scary things without making it traumatic (they even somehow make it fun!) is amazing.
The Small Moments
We had an incredibly busy week. It seems like every day we were just floating from one task to the next, always in motion. On Friday our calendar was CLEAR and so was the weather forecast. Sunny and nearly 60 degrees. On the first day of February! While our Michigan family sent us pictures of waist high snow drifts, the kids put on their spring hats and we walked to the park. Harvey blew me away with the number of things he could independently climb and do compared to our park trips in the fall. The fresh air and park giggles were so good for all of us. When we got home we ate lunch together with the windows wide open. The kids, who both have been in tricky moods often lately, were delightful. Happy Friday, indeed!
Harvey has two new favorite bedtime rituals. He likes to sing the song "Skidamarink" and instead of laying together in his bed while we sing he wants me to stand and hold him with his head resting on my shoulder. It feels like he just totally melts into me, and the worries and stress of the day melts away for me.
Saturday after swimming Brad went to run some mystery errands. He came home with 587 pounds (yes, we counted) of water softener salt, cat litter, dog and cat food, and air filters. All of my least favorite, bulky things to buy. Enough to get me through nine months. Deployment stinks, but it does have a way of making me appreciate a husband who ensures we are taken care of even from afar.
The Ways We Grew
This section is usually all about the kids and their new milestones, but this time I want to talk about some personal growth I am proud of. Last fall I was diagnosed with severe generalized anxiety disorder. While Brad was away at NTC, I had a full blown panic attack for the very first time. I knew heading into another deployment that the anticipation of it is the worst part for me, but I never thought it would be so severe and so different this time with two tiny humans who depend on me. Their basic life needs are met by me. In so many moments, their happiness depends on me. They look to me to be their comfort and stability. I started to panic about doing those things alone. My mind whirled with irrational thoughts of, "What if something happened to me? Who would know? What would happen to the kids? Would they know what to do?" I have since learned that all are completely normal and common thoughts of military spouses, but my mind raced, my heart rate followed suit, and I felt like I couldn't breathe. Since that night I have sought help and done some serious soul searching. I have leaned hard on friends and learned I am far from alone when it comes to this beast that is anxiety. I have been seeing a therapist weekly and will continue to do so until we hit our deployment groove. One big thing that we have talked a lot about, not to beat a dead horse, is setting social media boundaries for myself. I am still searching for the perfect balance of sharing my life, which I love to do, and logging off and being totally present in my life. I would be a liar if I said I don't have any remaining anxiety about what is coming so soon for our family, but I am proud to have recognized it, made my closest loved ones aware of it, and worked hard to find a much better path than I was on a few months ago.
It has been a minute since I last blogged. I am unsure I can even count all of the ways Harvey has changed and grown. He is talking up a storm. On the day my parents arrived in town to celebrate Christmas with us he said his first true full sentence: "I want to walk with Papa." Melt my dad's heart, right? So many people out and about have commented on how advanced his vocabulary is for his age. It is fun to hear his thoughts come to life. In an effort to minimize transitions for me to tackle solo this year, we threw a bunch of tough changes at him all within a span of a few weeks around the holidays. He knocked every single one out of the park. He is now sleeping through the night without his zipadeezip and buddies (pacifiers) in his big boy bed. Check, check, and check! Three big missions accomplished. He loves to run and has almost mastered it to the point that I only rarely anticipate a face plant rather than every 10 feet. His chunky little feet move about triple the speed of Eloise's but only get half as far. It is my favorite part of our daily evening walks to the mailbox now.
Eloise. Phew. Where to begin. I think most of you have been following along on Facebook after her Hashimoto's diagnosis December 3. We are still trying to pinpoint the perfect dosage for her thyroid hormone replacement to get her back on track. Her behavior and emotions right now are like a rollercoaster. She feels everything in such a big way. It is so hard for us to see because we know it is out of her control and she doesn't understand what is happening in her body. Her endocrinologist literally told us to just "hold on tight" through this time and practice a lot of patience with her. I miss our always joyful Eloise. At the beginning of all of this, I read a quote that really hit me: "Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body." So, so true.
The Witt-isms
"That was fun." -Harvey's new favorite expression loading back up into the car after pretty much everything we do. I love his little reminder that life really is, just plain and simple, fun.
"LOOK!!! A shooting star! QUICK! Make a wish!" -Eloise, seeing the condensation train behind an airplane.
This one was said a few weeks ago when my mom was in town but needs to be documented. She was being difficult at the time:
"We need to have a talk." -Grandma Sue
"A taco?!" -Eloise
Have no fear. When you are in trouble, there is always tacos.
Looking Ahead
New section alert! Here I want to countdown to a few things we are looking forward to. Using the full 270-ish days (oof.) as a countdown is not good for anyone's morale, so instead we are going to be looking forward to fun that is ahead in more of the short term. I guess I should have titled this section spoiler alert. These are probably all of the things you'll read about in Sunday updates to come.
Family pictures | 6 days --- We are long overdue for some professional family pictures. I have been putting it off for awhile now because photographing a 2 and 4 year old is always chaos. Gives me anxiety just thinking about it. I am kicking that negativity to the curb and we are going for it this Saturday! My friends Laura and Steph are the perfect team for the job. Laura is a photography wizard and Stephanie will be bribing my kids with as many chocolate chips as needed. Let's hope for sunshine and at least a few genuine kid smiles.
Valentine's Day breakfast | 12 days --- Our first married Valentine's Day I woke up at the crack of dawn to prepare a surprise breakfast for Brad. I loved planning it, and he still talks about it as one of his favorite things I have done for him. I really went all out. This year we decided to start a new tradition and pull off a similar breakfast for the kids. I can't wait to spoil them.
Valentine's Day 2014
Colorado getaway | 13 days --- Brad and I have been pondering a pre-deployment vacation just the two of us for a long time, but we keep coming back to honestly not wanting to spend that much time from the kids. I know we sound crazy, but nine months is long enough to spend apart. Why add another week or two to it? We decided to take Brad's parents up on their offer to come out for President's Day weekend so we could do a short but sweet Colorado getaway. We found the most adorable tiny house Airbnb (HGTV worthy) right between Denver and Boulder. We are very much excited for sleeping in and leisurely meals with no goldfish or cheerios on the table.
Sorry this is so deployment heavy. I wrote it, read it back, and realized the topic creeped into just about every section. Honestly, that is exactly how it feels in these last few weeks. Always there, hovering overhead like a dark cloud even in happy moments. One day at a time! I really do feel like by processing a lot of this now we will more easily hit our stride after the big see you later.
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